Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
