You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
