Im at strip club and am horny
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
