Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
