And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
