rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
