low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
