we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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