I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
