omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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