Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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