There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
