I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
