508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
