I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
