i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That accounts for only three of the penises
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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