I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
