You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
