Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
