I have demons in me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
