It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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