I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
