this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Randomize
