Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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