dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
