walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
