If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
