I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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