I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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