the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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