I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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