is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
