im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
