Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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