My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
