We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
