I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
