You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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