It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
