i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
