I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
