you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
