You work out of a Hotel?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
