When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
