You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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