What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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