Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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