Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
