i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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