so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
