I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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