So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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