It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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