He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So much rum. So many feels.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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