I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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